Context

This final semester has been pretty tough. I feel incredibly pressured to make sure my portfolio and projects are up to standard so that I can get a job as soon as possible. I have a crazy opengl project that’s in the works so stay tuned 😘

The reason why I wrote this post was, I do this really odd thing where, when I don’t want to work on a subject I should be working on, I work on something else entirely. Yesterday night, instead of writing a paper, I was writing code till 5am. It’s a weird way for my brain to justify not working on things I don’t care about.

One thing I really struggle to do is find motivation for subjects that do not interest me in any way. If you are not familiar with what I study, its a degree in Game Design and Development. This does not only include programming, in-fact, programming is only emphasized in the final year.

Throughout our studies we have theoretical subjects like

• Game Design
• Narrative Design
• Game Art

The list goes on….

I’m tired of talking about game concepts and ideas. I’m tired of doing research documents.

Often there’ll be a conversation like 😴

Person:         "What about making it a 3D platformer with abilities?
                 We can finish it in a few weeks!"

My brain:       "For f*** sakes. How is that even realistically possible?
                 Have you even tried to do something like that?"

My response:    "I don't think thats possible, could we dial down the 
                 scope of the game a bit?"

More often that not, our theory does not align with what we are actually capable of doing in terms of development because programming is not the main focus in our degree until third-year, which is why I put so much of my own time into side projects and making sure I am as competent and versatile as I can possibly be.

In doing so I’ve largely alienated myself from the rest of my class, at least that I believe.

I also understand that I’ve a long way to go in terms of my proficiency but I still feel strongly about what I’ve said.

My Journey

Initial Experience

I didn’t enjoy programming up until the second semester of first year, that’s when things really kicked in 🚀

Programming knocked me down harder than I ever imagined 🥊. I ended up with 50% for the semester even after busting my ass to get 90% for the final project because my initial marks were so bad.

That single project taught me so so much that I am incredibly grateful for.

The most important thing I learnt is, you cannot make assumptions until you figure out the problem domain. Once you have experience within that domain, you are fairly comfortable, but comfort doesn’t bring about growth.

Essentially, learning how to fail over and over again ✅

Thereafter

It became an addiction to be honest. I always feel like making something or learning something new at the expense of the subjects I’m not interested in at university. The second we get a break, it won’t even be a week before I’m making something.

There are so many things on my resume that have absolutely nothing to do with any university content.

I think its because there’s no time limit and I can just do whatever I want. It’s incredibly fulfilling because I feel like im growing. I also get to scratch my curiosity itch.

• What if I try this out?
• What will be the downside of this solution?
• This guy said this is good, lemme check it out.
• How did this person solve this?

I need these things shooting around in my brain so I feel engaged. I also noticed that I look at problems differently the more tools I have under my belt so I like exploring.

Immersion

I am immersed out of my mind when I write code. It really feels like such a safe space for me.

I don’t have to think about anything other than how abstract concepts or entities are connected together. Usually I have high energy edm playing like hardstyle, techno or dnb to mute out everything else.

I always no idea how much time passed by. It feels incredibly comfortable.

Downsides

If I don’t figure something about, it bothers me and I think about it all the time. Often I won’t be present doing mundane things throughout the day because my mind will be elsewhere. Sometimes I even forget to drink or eat while I’m looking at text. Not great 😞. I’ve noticed my hands have token a toll too. I keep having to crack them. I’ll definitely start investing in more comfy peripherals once I have a job.

The pressure is pretty heavy too. I should definitely go easier on myself but it feels like theres so much on the line right now.

Conclusion

I enjoyed this post, been a while since I got things off my chest through writing. I hope you enjoyed it ❤️